All is full of... Blessings

Yesterday in the hospital I woke up almost every other hour, at first very frantic, not knowing where I was, but every time after I was less and less frantic to the point where around 6am when the nurse woke me with a syringe in her hand i simply pulled up my gown and rolled over.

Around 930, the nurse for my cubical block came to do rounds and check on everyone, when she got to me she read my sheet saw the lacerations on my legs and let out a soft "ouch" under her breathe. She asked the routine questions, how I slept, how I was feeling, was there any pain and she ended by asking if anyone had came to tidy me yet (I was on strict bed rest, I was not allowed to get off)... I told her no, not at all since I've been here, looking down at my legs and seeing the mud still caked on from where i had fallen, and the grit below my nails, I guess i must have been looking pretty forlorn because she let out what I can only assume was an attempt at a pitiful smile and told me she'd get the cart for me.

When she brought the cart she told me that she'll leave it here for me, that if i needed help she would be right next door and to just call for her, again probably feeling sorry for me after i expressed earlier my inability to pee in the bed pan (by this time I hadn't peed since i was admitted around 12 the day before)... maybe this was her attempt at having me feel some form of independence. I welcomed the feel of the clean warm water and couldn't help but think that I couldn't wait to be home so I could take a proper shower. 

When I was finished I sat on my bed and just waited, the head nurse poked her head in and asked if I was finished, I told her yes as she was opening the curtain to leave I asked her if I could please go and use the bathroom, she looked at me and said they have you attached to this bed, i nodded and explained that I was having problems going in the bed pan, she sighed and said straight to the bathroom and back to bed with you. Yes! freedom! Not only was it the longest pee of my life but it was the first thing on a long list of many to follow that I realized I take for granted daily... The ability to pee in privacy whenever you want to.

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After an accident there is something they don't tell you when they release you from the hospital. They don't tell you that the meds they give you for the pain doesn't compare anything to what they gave you at the hospital, and that while you probably felt like you didn't even need to be at the hospital while you were there cause you barely felt any pain what so ever, the morning after you will wish it was exactly where you were.

This morning was just that for me... I was very grateful that I got to for the first time sleep through the whole night, but the pain I woke up to at 645am was no joke, if it didn't hurt it ached, if it didn't ache it stung, if it didn't sting it was stiff... but you get the idea. There is nothing I wouldn't have done to see a nurse with a syringe standing at the side of my bed. Somehow I managed to calm myself and force myself to go back to sleep, sleep being the only real escape from the pain, as most of my meds has to be taken after a meal, and the prospect of getting up and making something (that I would have to blend to eat, after discovering that my lip can not handle solid food intake, and I have to eat with a straw) I decided sleep was the best alternative.

When I woke up for real for real (because i did wake up in between) at around 930, I got up, tidied my room as best as I could and decided to go take a warm shower in the hopes that it would help with the pain, also I was looking forward to it since yesterday right. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed my shower as much as I thought I would, I would be lying if I didn't say I stood there alone crying for numerous reasons. I couldn't reach my back, when I raised my right leg to clean soap it my hip on the left side hurt so badly that all i could do was cry. It took me 20 min to shower, nothing fancy just soap up, rinse off... 20min. Stepping out of the shower and drying was also a scene. It took me about 15min yesterday in the hospital with a wash cloth and two basins, and today with a full shower it took 20. I cried because well... i felt alone and just about helpless. Lesson #2 on things we take for granted... the ability to take a shower on one's own.

_Shanti_

Little Black Bird...

This morning while walking I saw a little black bird with one leg.

The moral of the story?

You think you're having a tough break in life, and then you see a one legged black bird and suddenly realize... He has one leg and still manages to use it to the best of his ability, he didn't just roll over and die, he's a fighter.

We should all be fighters, and remember that while our problems seem like great ones, there is someone out there that just may have it worse off than you, and still manage to live the happiest life they can.

-Shanti

Battle of the Heart & Mind

I know that one's actual heart is just an organ that pumps blood through our body and actually has no emotional bounds what so ever, but two days ago my heart and my head hurt to the point where I could barely fall asleep.

o

o

O

My conclusion is that there was an epic battle going on inside of me. They were both fighting with one another... word on the street is that after realizing what utter ridiculous nonsense the brain had gotten into, at some point my heart refused to pump blood to it, no doubt as punishment.

But my poor heart, which had already carried tons of battle scars and was just beginning to heal again, was having a bit of strain, not only having to stop itself from doing its own job but also fighting the messages the brain was sending crying out for help.

O

o

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Maybe I do need to get more sleep, I kinda sound like I'm losing it

But on a really serious note, I have discovered that there is a pain much worse than having someone break your heart...

It may not occur often, might be down right rare to some but alas... Breaking your own heart, that is quite the pain my friends.

Moral of the story, when you have something, someone that just feels right, that is right, don't let any excuse you can conjure up in your head stop you from being completely open with them, your heart will thank you in the long run.

-Shanti-

Learning to forgive oneself

There are two things I read tonight that really hit home for me, and I found them not because they mystically appeared to me in the form of a sign from the heavens, but because I sought them out.

The answers don't always just come to you, you do have to put in an effort every once in awhile.

First excerpts from the Meditation: "Loving - Kindness Meditation - Forgiveness"

"Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you've done wrong . Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease."

&

"Think of any one person, or any situation, or any group of people whom you are condemning, blaming, disliking. Forgive them, completely. Let your forgiveness be your expression of unconditional love. They may not do the right things. Human beings have dukkha. And your heart needs the forgiveness in order to have purity of love."

Second excerpts from the blog post "Buddha on Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Right & Wrong"

These quotes are however direct teachings of Buddha

“These two are fools. Which two? The one who doesn’t see his/her transgression as a transgression, and the one who doesn’t rightfully pardon another who has confessed his/her transgression. These two are fools."

“These two are wise. Which two? The one who sees his/her transgression as a transgression, and the one who rightfully pardons another who has confessed his/her transgression. These two are wise.”

&

"When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment and cut the cycle of retribution that would otherwise keep us ensnarled in an ugly samsaric wrestling match. This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done."

I'm no sudden philosopher, just a misguided person, as are most of us. Someone told me recently that I should take this time to reflect,  and not only am I doing that but I am seeking ways in which to better my life, enrich my life, be happy with myself, in my life.

Sharing is caring in this instance and I can only hope that this blog post, these excerpts, even the full articles have an impact on anyone else that may happen to read them, as they have for me.

Shanti

Life (Lying+Love=Loss)

 "In Life, Lying to someone you Love will always most definitely result in Loss."

Its really a simple equation, one that most of us know in our hearts to be true without anyone ever really telling us. Yet, even with this knowledge we still find it necessary to lie to the people we love, and not only do we do this, but we find selfish "justifiable" reasons to do so.

"I did it for you... I didn't want to hurt you... I was afraid of how you would react..." examples of the excuses we feed ourselves to feed our motives, but the truth of the matter is that behind all of these "yous" there is actually a very loud "I/Me". Really what we mean is "I did it for me... I didn't want this truth to hurt me... I was afraid of how you would react, and how it would affect me". That is the reality of the situation, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or to the people we blatantly lie to,

As much as we try to separate the two, Omission is lying. That is just the truth. Failing to say something, trying to conceal it, beating around the bush, these are all forms of the same thing, lying. But no one likes the word, no one wants to be called a liar, its harsh, its ugly, it makes us feel badly. Who have you ever heard saying "I'm a liar and proud of it"

We can't lie to someone and claim to love them, this is not love, we can not claim to trust someone, to have faith in them and turn around and keep things from them, out of "fear" of the outcome. The truth should always be spoken, only this way can we have a real relationship of any kind based on trust.

Omitting even the smallest details, or what you consider to be small and meaningless could mean a lot more to someone else who has placed trust in you, and when you keep that from them you leave room for that trust to be broken, and trust is something that once lost is a hell of a hard thing to earn back.

Maybe i'm ranting, maybe i'm just writing this because I was the idiot that ommitted the truth from someone that I love, and now i have to live with that. But seriously. Just take it from someone that has lost the most precious thing in her life, It's never worth it, no amount of fear, pride of stupid justification is ever worth it.

Ba-Zo-Dee

Good night, Greetings, Salutations, Shalom, Namaste, As-Salamu Alaykum...

So I was wondering tonight, what is the difference between someone who is a complete "puppy dog" over someone, and someone that is just in general a nice, thoughtful person. In my honest opinion the two are one in the same. I find as a society we have a tendency to single out the nice "guy/gyal" and quickly label them, bazodee, sprung, whipped, puppy dog etc etc. Why is this though?

No seriously.... WHY? is it that we are so unaccustomed to people actually doing nice, considerate, sweet things for people they care for, simply because they want to, without agenda. Is it that we don't truly believe these people exist? Because let me tell you, they do exist! I know this for a fact because well I am proudly guilty.

You see when i'm with someone I can't help but want to do random sweet things for them. Just ask any of my partners. I've never done so because I expected it in return, or because I wanted anything at all from them, I just did it because it was something that was in my power to do, and it was something I felt like they would appreciate.

But wait, I suppose I do have a hidden agenda, I actually enjoy... making... my current partner... HAPPY! and seeing her... SMILE! How absolutely selfish of me...

But it's no scene, the next time someone wants to call me sprung, or whipped, or anything of the sort, because I picked my partner flowers, made her coffee, make sure she's always eaten, met her at the bus stop etc etc etc I will smile and wear my title with pride... because while my partner is smiling yours just might be wondering where her smile went...
bless up folks!

Sweet N' Sour Moo-Shu

So have you ever had a really great day, i'm saying best of the best, the kinds of days where you feel like absolutely nothing can get you down. I have them quite often, but more often than not those days simply don't end as they started.

For whatever reason, or no reason at all most times, my mood completely 360's and turns for the worst. The "Sweet to Sour in 60seconds" Syndrome. It's such a frustrating place to be, especially the better your day was, it's almost like a little person in your head clicks a switch and bam your day is in the gutter.

The worst part about it is once the mood hits the gutter, getting it out of the rut is near impossible and it shows, physically... it eats away, emotionally. I find that with myself it causes me to withdraw from those around me, and those who I don't withdraw from feel the nasty end of the stick, which usually ends up in some form of negative altercation. So as I mentioned to avoid negative altercations I just shut down, I don't speak, I don't interact what so ever, which of course has its own negative connotations, in terms of people around me.

At this point you may be wondering the point of this post, and even why I decided to randomly divulge all of this "personal" information about myself and my moods... well its because tonight I found myself in this very same position, i had a great day and then suddenly it all went to shit and I felt my spirit sinking, but all of that changed just as quickly as it had originally.

With one sweet smile, the same smile that later brought me cookies and cuticle oil. For this, for her I am most grateful for today.

100 Views... When did that happen?

No, seriously? when did that happen? Well to viewer 101 Hi... hope in the end it was worth it.

The Direction the Wind Blows

If you don't know where you want to go, what you want to do,
the direction in which you go doesn't matter

I first saw this picture ironically one day after having a conversation with my aunt about the very same topic. How do we move "forward" when we don't know what we want? See the truth is, at 25 I still don't really know what I want out of life, where I truly want to go, or what I want to be doing. The only thing I suppose I do know, is that I want to be happy, regardless of where I am, or what I'm doing just to get by.

I mean that's what it's all about isn't it... every path we take is defined by what we want out of life, the house we want to live in, the materialistic things we want to buy, the private school we want to send our kids to one day. Things that can't be obtained unless we have a plan, and by plan I mean a stable way of generating money. So does money purchase a ticket to a life filled with happiness?

But I've strayed... So is it okay to not know what you want? Is it possible to live a happy life without this knowledge? Honestly, I still don't really know the answer to this, or the answer to a lot of questions actually, but I do know this quote did come at a time when I really needed it... "If you don't know where you want to go, the direction you go doesn't matter".

The moral of the story is, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, going where the wind blows me, just because I can, if that makes me seem irresponsible to some, then hey... at the end of the day we all have our own individual lives to live. And right here in this moment, where I don't know what I want, I still manage to be happy.

Life's Lemons Part II

Life's Lemons

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade", or some variation of, is probably one of the most common quotes used to describe those inexplicable moments when the universe throws a couple hurdles in your path.

What happens however when, you're the lemon. When no matter how many great, even mediocre, things life throws at you, somehow you manage to directly or indirectly sour it all on your own.

What happens then?

No Matter...

what you are going through today... there will always be a better tomorrow!

Keep ya head up & stay strong!

NY! Show me the Rights!

Oh! Happy Day!

Sunday July 24th, 2011

The day that the first same sex legal marriage took place!

My thoughts? ITS ABOUT TIME!

One more step in the direction of Equal Rights for all, regardless of creed, race, sexuality...

Looking at CNN this morning, and watching the happy couples as they left city hall, it was hard to hold back the tears of happiness that came trickling down my cheek. Hearing various stories of people that have waited almost their whole life just to be treated equally in a society that holds them as unequal. Couple's that have been together practically my whole life, again in society where the divorce rate is at an all time high, just waiting for their chance to legally be considered one.

I had promised myself that I would not go on and on, where it came to this topic, as trust me I can. But I don't want to take away from the simple fact that this day is a day of celebration.

So to close I have to have to reference a picture that a friend of mine took while I was at my first NY Pride, and reiterate my original thoughts of it being...

ABOUT DAMN TIME! 

Senseless Acts

I wonder, have you ever met someone from Norway?

I have, in fact I know quite a few people from Norway, and in my personal opinion and experience, they are some of the nicest, most well mannered people I have encountered.

So you can understand then, why it has been so hard for me to wrap my head around the truly senseless acts that have recently occurred in Noway.

It is true that this world is full of sick, malicious people, and now where is really "Safe" from senseless acts, but honestly of all the places in the world where one would expect to hear about such an act, Norway would not have been the top of my list.

But alas, a tragedy is a tragedy regardless of where in the world it is.

Prayers to the families of those who have senselessly lost their lives, on July 22nd 2011, at the hand of one man. Prayers for him as well, as he most certainly obviously needs them, after committing such an act.

The Samurai Blue Wave

First and foremost hearty congratulations to the ladies of the Japanese National Soccer Team, affectionately called "Samurai Blue" for fighting most admirably and constantly persevering throughout all of their matches, of course especially during the Final against the USA!

As some of you may or may not know, this is the furtherest in the tournament

the squad has ever been, lead by captain Homare Sawa.

2011 marks her 5th FIFA's Women's World Cup Appearance.

Not only did they win the tournament, but Sawa also won The Adidas Golden Boot (having scored 5 goals, 1 assist)  & The Adidas Golden Ball, for being the most outstanding player of the Tournament.

The squad also won the FIFA Fair Play Award, for collecting just 5 yellow cards and 1 red card.

Now that I've gotten all the praise of my chest, I can really go in to what this blog entry is really about. 

Throughout the whole of the Final match against USA, I continuously kept repeating that it just wasn't meant to be for them, them being the USA... simply because if it were, the game for all intents and purposes would have ended with a score line of about 6 - 2.

One can not help but admit that there was something quite interesting about that game, try as they could the USA just couldn't get the ball in the net. The mighty USA who had won the trophy twice before. It definitely wasn't the fact that they lacked the skill, speed, technique, or determination. They attacked the goal over and over again, never flinching or losing faith with each unbelievable miss. But I have digressed, this blog isn't about the USA either, not directly anyway.

There was more than heart and determination of the field that day... there was spirit and soul... During the game I had an epiphany, of sorts, recently I noticed that every time a major natural disaster happened somewhere, soon after a team of the most affected area would go on to win a major tournament, The New Orleans Saints for example. I wondered if Japan would prove my theory right, and that they did.

There was more than heart and determination of the field that day... there was spirit and soul... Not only did Japan as a nation rally behind their team, staying up to watch the game, but I like to believe the souls who lost their lives on March 11th, 2011 in the earthquake and subsequent tsunami, also stuck by their team... Helping fuel their purpose, their passion, their need to carry on and win the gold, knowing it was just the type of uplifting that would be needed to bring about a sense of pride and togetherness, in a time when it is definitely needed the most. 

Maybe to say that spirits literally blocked & deflected the USA's goal attempts may be pushing it, but I've said it anyway :) Fate simply wasn't on the USA's side, this was not their year to shine... this year was all about Japan, and boy did they ever prove that they deserved it.

Thank you Samurai Blue, for teaching us all that with, heart, love, strength and lots  determination, that even the smallest team, literally, can walk among the giants and win the gold.

Welcome.Introduction.About Me

WELCOME

wel·come n. 1.  A cordial greeting or hospitable reception given to an arriving person.

I guess anyone that reads this would count as an arriving person soooooo here goes nothing...

• Welkom • Bienvenido • Bon bini • Bienvenue • Willkommen • Karibu • O kaabo •

• Huan yin • Mensooree • Benvenuti •

INTRODUCTION

in·tro·duc·tion n. 1. The act or process of introducing or the state of being introduced.

This is where I Introduce you to the goodness that is this blog...

Basically the concept behind "The Lime in the Coconut" is

pretty much just as the description says The Sour Truths, To Your Coconut Sweet Reality...

So my blunt, unbiased, non-beating around the bush opinions,
on usually sugar quoted topics.

The topics will definitely vary in subject, and will be dependent on my mood of the day,

or whatever article, picture, video, song I may happen to come across.

However random it may get, I do still hope that everyone enjoys the ride!

Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion,

and while i may not agree with you, I will always respect that,

and I just as that you show the same respect to me.

ABOUT ME

What can I say? I'm a Small Island Girl, with Big Life Dreams!

I'm really fun, down to earth, easy going, happy, optimistic chick.

I'm not passionate about a whole lot,
but the things I am passionate about, I take very seriously!

I believe that the glass is both half empty & half full, as we need both to live a truly balanced life, after all, there can be no good, without bad.