愛是在黑暗中最亮

Love is...

Greetings all!

This morning I woke up and as I opened my eyes, a kind of sadness came over me, it was the day, the day that had not been my friend for the last two years. I got up and got ready for school, the closer I got to being ready to leave, the more I didn't want to, the idea of going out into a world filled with love[ers] just didn't particularly appeal to me.  I went out to get a maxi and my father happened to come along, he noticed the mood and asked about it, to which i simply replied "its valentines day"... he understood.

While on the maxi and I put on a playlist I had made days before chucked full of Alanis Morissette, The Cranberries, Florence and the Machine... basically... i was sinking myself deeper and deeper, until I happened to glance out of the window and see a man carrying a vase with red roses, he literally had a bounce to his step and a broad smile on his face, i couldn't help but smile. Then it hit me...

LOVE!

I was allowing relationships from my past, situations, emotions, things from my past to completely cloud what I believe the real importance of this day is... Love, not just any specific kind of love, but just love in general, love for anyone, anything...

Today is probably one of the most beautiful day's of the year that we all could experience simply because there is an abundance of love, ad from love comes positive vibrations, and from positive vibrations come happiness... what could be better than that. 

I plan to be open to and take in as much of the energy floating around that I possibly can, because nothing bad could ever come from that. Be open to love, even if you might not have it in your life the way you want to, even if a person you love is far away or you have no prospect of seeing them, just be happy that they're out there and send out love to them, most importantly just be happy that you're around and love yourself, it's the best gift that you could ever give yourself so go on and take in the LOVE!

Mucho Love,

A lot of Blessings,

Plenty Smiles

and Tons of Happiness

to you all!

What the Wind Gave Me...

On Sunday April 17th, 2011 I woke up around 8am and headed south bound with my uncle and cousin to Los Iros, I initially took the camera in the hopes that I would be able to get some really amazing kite surfing action shots, but the closer we got the Los Iros the more we began to realize that that just may not have been an option, there was no wind, and with no wind there would be no surfing the skies for anyone. 

 Having driven all the way there we decided to stay for a bit. While Los Iros may not have been the most beautiful stretch of beach I had ever seen it definitely held some treasures hidden away, I got a beautiful set of pictures that day. 

 The lack of wind in Los Iros allowed for me to go to the Savannah where the wind blew my way a different kind of blessing. This morning I received a call, that a photo from my Los Iros set had been chosen to appear in the Music Radio 97.1 FM (Trinidad & Tobago) Motivation Minute Booklet. Blessings in abundance.

Much Love • Much Light

_Shanti_

All is full of... Blessings

Yesterday in the hospital I woke up almost every other hour, at first very frantic, not knowing where I was, but every time after I was less and less frantic to the point where around 6am when the nurse woke me with a syringe in her hand i simply pulled up my gown and rolled over.

Around 930, the nurse for my cubical block came to do rounds and check on everyone, when she got to me she read my sheet saw the lacerations on my legs and let out a soft "ouch" under her breathe. She asked the routine questions, how I slept, how I was feeling, was there any pain and she ended by asking if anyone had came to tidy me yet (I was on strict bed rest, I was not allowed to get off)... I told her no, not at all since I've been here, looking down at my legs and seeing the mud still caked on from where i had fallen, and the grit below my nails, I guess i must have been looking pretty forlorn because she let out what I can only assume was an attempt at a pitiful smile and told me she'd get the cart for me.

When she brought the cart she told me that she'll leave it here for me, that if i needed help she would be right next door and to just call for her, again probably feeling sorry for me after i expressed earlier my inability to pee in the bed pan (by this time I hadn't peed since i was admitted around 12 the day before)... maybe this was her attempt at having me feel some form of independence. I welcomed the feel of the clean warm water and couldn't help but think that I couldn't wait to be home so I could take a proper shower. 

When I was finished I sat on my bed and just waited, the head nurse poked her head in and asked if I was finished, I told her yes as she was opening the curtain to leave I asked her if I could please go and use the bathroom, she looked at me and said they have you attached to this bed, i nodded and explained that I was having problems going in the bed pan, she sighed and said straight to the bathroom and back to bed with you. Yes! freedom! Not only was it the longest pee of my life but it was the first thing on a long list of many to follow that I realized I take for granted daily... The ability to pee in privacy whenever you want to.

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After an accident there is something they don't tell you when they release you from the hospital. They don't tell you that the meds they give you for the pain doesn't compare anything to what they gave you at the hospital, and that while you probably felt like you didn't even need to be at the hospital while you were there cause you barely felt any pain what so ever, the morning after you will wish it was exactly where you were.

This morning was just that for me... I was very grateful that I got to for the first time sleep through the whole night, but the pain I woke up to at 645am was no joke, if it didn't hurt it ached, if it didn't ache it stung, if it didn't sting it was stiff... but you get the idea. There is nothing I wouldn't have done to see a nurse with a syringe standing at the side of my bed. Somehow I managed to calm myself and force myself to go back to sleep, sleep being the only real escape from the pain, as most of my meds has to be taken after a meal, and the prospect of getting up and making something (that I would have to blend to eat, after discovering that my lip can not handle solid food intake, and I have to eat with a straw) I decided sleep was the best alternative.

When I woke up for real for real (because i did wake up in between) at around 930, I got up, tidied my room as best as I could and decided to go take a warm shower in the hopes that it would help with the pain, also I was looking forward to it since yesterday right. I would be lying if I said I enjoyed my shower as much as I thought I would, I would be lying if I didn't say I stood there alone crying for numerous reasons. I couldn't reach my back, when I raised my right leg to clean soap it my hip on the left side hurt so badly that all i could do was cry. It took me 20 min to shower, nothing fancy just soap up, rinse off... 20min. Stepping out of the shower and drying was also a scene. It took me about 15min yesterday in the hospital with a wash cloth and two basins, and today with a full shower it took 20. I cried because well... i felt alone and just about helpless. Lesson #2 on things we take for granted... the ability to take a shower on one's own.

_Shanti_

Little Black Bird...

This morning while walking I saw a little black bird with one leg.

The moral of the story?

You think you're having a tough break in life, and then you see a one legged black bird and suddenly realize... He has one leg and still manages to use it to the best of his ability, he didn't just roll over and die, he's a fighter.

We should all be fighters, and remember that while our problems seem like great ones, there is someone out there that just may have it worse off than you, and still manage to live the happiest life they can.

-Shanti